I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
