At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
