you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
