Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are your genitals available?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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