They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
