so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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