whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
