...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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