i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
