you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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