$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
