we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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