Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
