oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
