i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
