So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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