I heard we made out
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
