So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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