Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Small penises have feelings too.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
