Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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