Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
