was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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