I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
