He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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