So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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