I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
