Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
cat food counts as protein by the way
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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