Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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