dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
