Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
