1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She bit a glass in half.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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