1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
oh god the rape fog is back!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
