Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
