therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
did i walk over a car last night?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
