is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
