i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
