I just saw a hot homeless man
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
