Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
