Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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