i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
