in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
