The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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