so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So vagazzling was a success
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
