we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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