Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
