The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
