Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
