Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
