can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
