Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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