Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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