Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
