Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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