We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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