kristin has been a bad kristin
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
