omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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