I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
the raccoons are back...
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