Umm I'm too high to move.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I know her cup size but not her name....
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