I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
