Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He has the fingertips of a God
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