well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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