Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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