Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize