I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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