i will never coherently bang her
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize