Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
