U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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