When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
