I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just made my gag reflex go away.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
