I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
