New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
a search helicopter?!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Green mimosas i think yes
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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