Who wears a wallet chain?!
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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