let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
