I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
